Site Logo
Looking for girlfriend > 40 years > You dont need a man to validate you

You dont need a man to validate you

By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. MadameNoire is a sophisticated lifestyle publication that gives African-American women the latest in fashion trends, black entertainment news, parenting tips and beauty secrets that are specifically for black women. Black women seek information on a wide variety of topics including African-American hair care, health issues, relationship advice and career trends - and MadameNoire provides all of that. Most women want to be desired by men. It only becomes an issue when everything you do, say, the places you go, and how you feel about yourself is contingent upon how a man feels about you.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The Validation Paradox: Finding Your Best Through Others - Jeffrey Shaw - TEDxLincolnSquare

Content:
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Men’s Conference 2020: "You don’t need a man to validate you” Part 4

I Don’t Need Validation From Men, I Need It From Everyone

I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years. Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. Not only their opinions, but their approval. If you continue down this path of seeking endless validation…you will be easily used and manipulated by others, no better than a puppet on a string. As a man in the modern world, you have three different types of unhealthy social validation you need to watch out for. None of these are harmful outright.

Superhero…jet-setting billionaire…a guy who gets girls…anyone you want to be. You know what that place is called? Never in history has the attention-grabbing, consciousness-shaping, and thought-diverting technology of social media been seen on such a large scale. Ok, the next one most definitely will. Many men use social media as a conduit to get approval from…women. Many men today are absolutely addicted to female attention.

Many of us men were conditioned to seek female approval when we were young. We had to sit still while the teacher who was a woman gave us lessons.

We had to impress our crushes in school, who were leagues above us supposedly. We have never considered what WE want from life. We try to fill a void inside ourselves with validation from women and guess what?

Your parents may want another doctor, lawyer, engineer, or so and so that they can brag to their friends about…. This desire is a remnant from your ancient ancestors. Your brain releases dopamine every time you do something that will possibly ensure or promote your survival. Because many of us spend our time on the Internet and especially on social media , many of us will find that that we participate in external validation culture without even knowing it. Why bother spending the long hours to build a business unless you can document it on social media?

Being addicted to validation, especially on social media can prevent you from taking risks, something all young men should be doing. Desire for validation can turn into a habit. A bad one. And fast. A habit is formed by repetition. Repetition is encouraged by once again…dopamine.

The guy that everyone expects to give them a good time, with no other redeeming qualities. As I said earlier, we all crave the attention our superiors give us. This goes for our older family and friends. If you want the approval of a woman, you will bend over backward and be a doormat, just in the hope of getting laid.

You get that validation and the clusterfuck of insanity continues. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters. If you want to know how to break your addiction to validation, you have to understand why people look for it.

Next time you check out at a store register, pay the cashier a random compliment. Watch them light up. People are so desperate for attention and approval that they will do almost anything for the person who can provide that in spades one of the cornerstones of social intelligence , by the way. They will naturally go and seek it from others. The tastes and sensibilities of people are changing by the day. If you try to gain the favor of other people, you will be forever chasing the wind.

You will experience no peace of mind. You need to realize that your life is in your hands. You have to rise up and take responsibility for your life. Codependency is:. At its worst, it turns into stalker-like and obsessive behavior something many guys have a problem with on social media.

But this is the first step to realizing that you need to step back. You need to break these bonds and severe the cords. Drawing back from certain activities and people is a key way to stop your addiction to validation.

Not surprisingly, withdrawing can lead to withdrawal. This means that your brain is changing. You must have guiding principles that govern your life from which you never deviate. What are they? This is the hardest one to do…but the most essential. You need to ask yourself one question:. Think back to when you were a young tyke. Who was he before the opinions of the world and self-limiting beliefs got in his way? Take minutes and sit in a quiet room and think about this.

Am I saying social media is a bad thing? Definitely not. It has helped myself and millions of other people connect to others all over the globe. Am I saying approval from friends and family is a bad thing? Having people who have known you for years acknowledge your accomplishments gives you an indescribable feeling.

You just need to understand that social media is a tool. Familial approval is a tool. These can let you know that you may be on the right track towards greater achievement.

Lastly, you need to understand that chasing an unrealistic level of validation is ultimately a road to nowhere — one that wastes time, wastes life, and ultimately wastes potential. Lots of people spend and have spent their entire life riding a high of validation until it all came crashing down leading to their physical or emotional demise.

I am an approval addict. I have been this way as far back as I can remember. She would ignore me for awhile and I would think of what chores i could do to please her to gain her approval. It crushes your soul man. Love this. The bottom line is that nobody really cares about you or your life. People are relatively helpless on their own compared to other animals.

We survived because we worked in groups. Thanks again!! Kryssy, Many women feel like that. Thank you so much for writing this in a way that truly resonated with me. Lewis quote! This article definitely applies to women, too. I think it is healthy for all involved to detach from one-sided relationships as quickly as possible. I went into an emotional tailspin the other day because a casual friend and my husband got into it over politics on social media.

Anyway, this bothered me so much that I was obsessing about it and I realized I was craving her approval in an unhealthy way. My husband and I DO support equal rights and civil rights in our words and actions. What she was saying was just wrong. This article is helping me to look at my life and check my codependency, which I have struggled with in the past. Loved this article.

I also loved the comments too so im leaving one as well! This type of need for validation comes from a disconnect between the individual and their spirit. This issue is said to be fixable through cogitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavioral therapy. Mindfullness has said work wonders for pulling ones awareness into the preset moment and this can lead to greater self awareness.

Granted — we are social mammals with a need to co-operate in order to get along, but seeking validation is a conscious choice.

It has nothing to do with survival. I take a rather depressing and long-term view of things. We are all heading for the grave ultimately and everything we do in between is essentially meaningless regardless of the face that we put on it. A sobering thought uh! My point is that seeking validation from others is in itself both futile and counter-productive.

You don’t need external validation to build self-confidence

What is validation and what is its relationship to having and building self-confidence? Validation can mean a couple of different things. Validation in one sense is the human need to know that your thoughts and feelings are okay.

Speak your heart out. Trying to please people will drain your energy. Mark questioned if the food will be good.

Account Options Fazer login. Obter livro impresso. Comprar livros no Google Play Procure a maior eBookstore do mundo e comece a ler hoje na web, no tablet, no telefone ou eReader. Love the Man You Married.

The psychology behind seeking validation (and Why YOU need it?)

Some of us care way too much about what other people think of us. We could all learn to care a little bit less about the opinion of others. You march to the beat of your own drum. You do things your way, and people either love that quality in you, or they hate it. It seems as if nothing gets you down. Part of your allure is that you only let select people into your life. You control your own destiny. You believe that you have the power to achieve anything you want to achieve in this life, and nobody can say anything to change your mind or deter you.

How I Realized That I Needed The Opinions Of Men To Validate How I Felt About Myself

Seeking approval for the things that we do is something that is hardwired into our minds even from an early age. Often times, the approval we are seeking is from loved ones and respected adults, like our school teachers. A kind word of encouragement, or a sign of disapproval, can have a profound impact on us at this time. In healthy and well-developed individuals, they have come to realize that ultimately what matters is that they approve of their choices.

I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years.

You need to stop thinking that you need to be in a relationship to actually have a life that is worth living. You really have to focus on building a life of your own that you can be proud of. Live your own life to the fullest — regardless if that life is one that has romantic relationships in it or not.

21 Quotes That Prove That NO Woman Needs A Man To Define Her

Let me explain. Disastrous relationships are nothing new for me. My past is riddled with complicated, codependent, and crazy encounters. Never before have I been more wrong.

When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. Usually when this happens, our interest in this person turns into a fevered obsession and we go to great lengths to get them to notice us. We will engage in shape shifting behaviours, where we stop being ourselves and try to turn into whatever we think they might like best. We will jump through hoop after hoop hoping to demonstrate just how special and unique we are, so that they will change their minds about us. Why do we do this?

You Don’t Need Validation For Your Beauty

You don't need a man to know who you are, or what you're capable of. Getting married should NOT be viewed as an accomplishment. Ok, so you snagged a doctor or a lawyer or a businessman, so what? This isn't something to brag about. You are capable of doing amazing things! But you know that already and hopefully so does he. You're miss well, MRS.

May 8, - “I need him to tell me I am beautiful, I just need to hear him say it.” I remember the days where I would validate my beauty against other's.

I remember being able to count on my hands and toes how many times a boyfriend complimented my appearance and so on. I remember the stress of avoiding mirrors and not feeling confident in what I saw in the mirror. And then oddly enough… I got over it. The above quote came from a night of twitter.

Hey there, I’m Sim

Account Options Fazer login. Obter livro impresso. Comprar livros no Google Play Procure a maior eBookstore do mundo e comece a ler hoje na web, no tablet, no telefone ou eReader. The Breeding Ground.

You Don’t Need A Man To Make You Feel Complete; You Complete Yourself.

It brings new approaches as well as reminds us of lessons already learned but put aside. Life can get so hectic and out of control at times that we feel like we don't have any control at all. What we believe about ourselves becomes our reality; and in so many ways, what we believe about ourselves forms our future. I'm not speaking in airy-fairy, New Age terms here.

Account Options Login.

.

50 Inspirational Quotes About Not Seeking Approval and Validation

.

.

Comments: 1
  1. Malmaran

    Absolutely with you it agree. Idea good, I support.

Thanks! Your comment will appear after verification.
Add a comment

© 2020 Online - Advisor on specific issues.